An Act of Expiration

The love of my life left. My friends said I was better off without him

“Bad news”

“Bad mind”

“Bad breath”

Bad.

I comforted myself with hand made chocolate and Chilean wine and later, with less expensive chocolate and coffee. Later still, ginger beer and M & Ms. Comfort spat me out. My friends said time doesn’t stand still

“Get over it”

“Get over him”

“Get over yourself”

“Get”

The love of my life called me.

“Hi baby,” he said

“You up?”

            And my friends humphed that people don’t change

            “Don’t be fooled”

            “Don’t get weak”

            “Don’t make it easy”

            Don’t.

            So I didn’t.

            “I ain’t no fool” I said

“And I ain’t easy”

“And no baby, I’m not up.”

“Not.”

The love of my life stopped calling. Maybe he believed me when I said I wasn’t up. Maybe he didn’t care that I was down? And full up and fat

Weighed down with M & Ms and loneliness and shame.

“Check out the gym” said the friends,

“Check out this book”

“Check out these shoes”

“Check”

They didn’t know that when the love of my life left, he took all my checks. Checked out.

The love of my life came around, snuck up to my door in the middle of the night and the door was easy on its hinges and let him in. Without a squeak.

We mapped each others contours, revisiting familiar haunts, encoutering new cell growth and fresh scars.

I cried on his shoulder, ugly mucus-coated funeral crying

Then I threw up a rainbow on his new jeans

“Shit! What the_?”

“Shit babe! what you been eating?”

“Shit! Look at my clothes”

“Nasty shit!”

“Shit!”

I quit M &Ms and changed the locks on love.

I listened to his messages on the answer machine in the middle of the night

Three times, then twice, then once

And then I erased them

And didn’t listen

My friends said

“Did he call?”

“Do you miss him?”

“Do you think you’ll go there again?”

“Do?”

I don’t.

The love of my life left.

While it was gone it expired.